Is it time for tourists to boycott the Vatican?

Oversized fossil seen in Rome: I took this picture, reluctantly, in June

Oversized fossil seen in Rome, captured on film (reluctantly)

Si si si, it is time to say say say arrivederci to il Vaticano. The deleterious effect the Catholic church and Vatican City in particular have had on the advancement of civilization has reached a tipping point with the Vatican’s incipient war against the Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, who is presently being demonized for his healthy obsession with young women.

Have any of the robe-clad uomini at the Vatican ever bothered to peer over their walls to have a look at some Italian women? Probably not, or they might risk falling hard for them too. It appears that for his part, the ludicrously named Dino Boffo, head of Catholic bishops’ daily Avvenire, was too busy a few years back trying to get a woman to leave her husband, who he was seeing on the side, to pay much attention to the intrinsic loveliness factor of la donna italiana.

The Vatican and its Hitler Youth Pope is trying to ruin the public life of Berlusconi, but he’s a smart guy with demonstrated stamina, and he will survive. How many young lives, though, has this antediluvian entity shattered through its a) collusion with the German murderers of Jews during the Second World War, b) repressive stance on abortion and c) repugnant views on homosexuality? Probably too many to count.

And here is a pathetic medieval remnant which is entirely dependent on Italy, and by extension NATO and by further extension American tax dollars for its defense, recklessly lashing out against any shred of modernity and social progress that comes within its crusty radar. And this bit of stony crust depends on tourists for much of its lifeblood. So let the bucks stop here.

Until and unless the Vatican changes its diabolical ways, Voyagiste calls on all tourists to boycott it thoroughly and completely. Spend your money at the Hotel de Russie instead — it’s a fine place for a little adultery. Throw an underwear party at a groovy Roman gay bar like Hangar until it spills out into the ancient streets and offends passing nuns. Get drunk on Negronis in Trastevere and save yourself the schlep to the Sistine Chapel: you can see it minus the crowds on CD-ROM anyway. Throw those euros into the Fontana di Trevi and make a wish for those cunning dorks in sad Vatican drag to apologize for sins past, put a lid on it…and maybe put a decent food court in the Piazza San Pietro.

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